


In Between

by yogio



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23047696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yogio/pseuds/yogio
Summary: Before they knew each other, their lives were based on lies.When they separated, they knew only pain.The space between was what made them who they were.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This series is a collection of short oneshots about Ymir and Historia's regular, day to day lives during the three years they spent training in the military. It's common knowledge that they were best friends and always together, and we see a few glimpses of their casual relationship/friendship here and there, but the vast majority of their canon interactions are very heavy and emotional. This made me sad, because I would have loved to see more of their friendship; After all, just because they're in love, doesn't mean they aren't best friends first and foremost :)
> 
> If you're looking for heavy romance, you won't find much of it here, because it's mostly about their (very close) friendship with romantic feelings implied. Don't worry though, it's definitely gay. 
> 
> Lastly, I wasn't sure how to refer to Historia in this fic, but I settled on calling her Christa, because that's how she's known during training and that's what Ymir calls her.
> 
> I'll be posting every three days!

The first time they were together, Christa was confused.

Ymir didn’t treat her the way anyone else had. All her life, people had been either cruel, or excessively kind to the girl they thought she was. Ymir, however, didn’t do either.

She simply treated her like a person.

Christa wasn’t quite sure how to handle it. She didn’t exactly know _why_ Ymir wanted to be around her - she’d simply walked up to her after dinner the second night of training and started talking as if they’d known each other for ages. She did most of the talking, for Christa didn’t know what to say other than short, polite replies to all of Ymir’s bold statements.

“I’m thirsty,” Ymir sighed. She looked to her left and saw Sasha as a small, mischievous smile formed on her lips.

“Hey, potato girl,” she called, getting Sasha's attention instantly, “Christa and I are thirsty. Go fill up a pale of water for us, would you?” 

“Uh, right,” Sasha said nervously, “I still owe you one!” She hastily grabbed a pale and hurried off to the well.

“She’s so easy,” Ymir said with a subtle smirk.

Christa looked at Ymir, perplexed.

“Isn’t that wrong? Making her do things for us when we’re perfectly capable of doing them ourselves?”

Ymir shrugged. “I’m not _making_ her do anything. I’m just pointing out facts, persuading her to make certain choices. They’re still _her_ choices.”

Christa frowned, and it almost looked like a glare. “You manipulated her into it. That’s just as bad as making her do it.” She quickly looked away, plastering a polite smile on her face. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sure you don’t have bad intentions.”

Ymir raised an eyebrow and gave her a sly grin, as if she could see right through her, and was determined to push more of her buttons. 

“Believe me, I don’t have good intentions either,” she said, “My only intention is to do what I want, and if I can make other people do what I want at the same time, even better. I wouldn’t expect a nice girl like you to understand something like that.” ' _Nice girl'_ was said in a tone that wasn’t at all complimentary.

Christa’s smile faltered, but remained on her face nonetheless. 

“I just believe in doing the right thing,” she said simply, “That’s all.”

“ _The right thing,_ ” Ymir scoffed, “You’re only alive for a short while. You want to waste the whole time worrying about what’s right and wrong? That’s some serious bullshit.” 

Christa wanted to disagree - she wanted to disagree with many things - but she held her tongue, as always. 

Still, she felt, for the first time in her life, maybe she’d met someone she _could_ disagree with. 


	2. Discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little update: I've decided to post every two days instead of every three!

Christa felt exposed. 

For so long, she’d been able to maintain the perfect mask - she let no one in, and no one had the desire to see anyone other than the angel she pretended to be. 

Suddenly, this striking girl appeared, and seemed to stare right through her. When she looked at her, it was easy to see that she wasn’t fooled for a second. It was uncomfortable, yes, but there was something enticing about it as well. To finally be seen by someone, perhaps even understood - it was like nothing she’d felt before.

More baffling than anything else, despite seeing through her façade, Ymir seemed to want to stick around her, even after an entire month of knowing her. She always thought that if she allowed herself for a single second to express how she really felt, she would drive people away instantly. Still, each time she unintentionally showed signs of anything other than sweetness, Ymir only seemed more interested in her.

She had kept up her persona for so long, she’d forgotten who she even was. She knew nothing about Historia, only Christa; she hadn’t allowed herself to be Historia in ages. When she was with Ymir, however, it felt like she was forced to confront who she was. Ymir helped her _remember_ who she was. She wasn’t sure she liked it, but she couldn’t say she hated it. 

“Don’t you get tired?” Ymir asked one day as they walked back to their bunks after training, “I think I’d jump into a titans mouth if I had to pretend to be as nice as you do. And don’t bother telling me you aren’t pretending, either.”

Christa began to deny the claim, but the way Ymir looked at her told her it was pointless. Somehow, Ymir saw clearly through her, as she had since the day they met. 

“I just want to be good,” she said quietly, “I want to show people that I’m good. That I’m worth something.”

“You don't need to show them,” Ymir said gruffly, stopping and turning to look at her, “You’re worth however much you think you’re worth. It doesn’t matter if everyone thinks you’re a goddess - if you think you’re worthless, you are. On the other hand, it doesn’t matter if everyone thinks you’re shit, as long as you know that you’re good. That you’re worth something.” 

“Is that what you do?” Christa asked, “You just say your worth something, and no one else’s opinion matters?”

“Damn right. I live for myself, I define my own worth. No way in hell am I gonna let anyone else do it for me.” 

Christa stared at her in quiet awe. 


	3. Changes

Things had been different since their day training in the snow.

They had been hanging around each other since the very first day; eating meals together, partnering up when they could during training, and sleeping next to each other in their bunks. They’d had countless conversations, which usually consisted of Ymir constantly surprising Christa with how blunt she was, and Christa trying to keep her reactions as polite as possible, despite the fact that it clearly irritated Ymir. Overall, their relationship was an odd one; they were constantly together, but neither was sure exactly why.

However, since the day Ymir revealed that she knew who Christa truly was, Christa suddenly felt different around her.

It was a very, very strange sort of different. Part of her felt more comfortable - here was someone who knew her secret. She knew that she wasn’t actually the angel she pretended to be, that she was a flawed person with a dark past and baggage like anyone else. It was nice, having someone know her. 

There was, however, one thing that wouldn’t stop bothering her - Ymir claiming she had no interest in being her friend.

It didn’t make sense. If she didn’t want to be her friend, why was she always around her for the two months since they met? Why did she talk to her so much? Wasn’t that what friends did?

Then again, Christa had never actually  _ had  _ a genuine friend, so she really had no idea how they were supposed to behave.

She eventually realized that there was no way this would stop causing her trouble until she said something. 

Confrontation was extremely unlike her; she did all she could to be as pleasant and accommodating to everyone as she could. If someone didn’t like something about her, she changed that thing. If she didn’t like someone or something they did, she always remained silent.

Ymir treated her like no one ever had, so she figured it was appropriate for her to treat Ymir like she’d never treated anyone else.

Ymir almost always skipped combat training. Christa never did, but she wanted the chance to speak with Ymir without being interrupted.

“Well well,” Ymir began, “Do my eyes deceive me, or is miss perfection actually skipping class?”

“I…I wanted to talk to you,” Christa began nervously. “Alone.”

Ymir looked mildly surprised.

“Alright,” she said slowly, “About what?”

Christa took a deep breath, forcing herself to say what had been on her mind for ages.

“I know you said you didn’t join the military so we could become friends. It was silly of me to assume.” She looked down, almost nervously. “But do you think, maybe, we  _ could  _ become friends?”

Ymir’s eyes went slightly wide, but she quickly put on a well practiced poker face.

“I guess, if you want that,” she said boredly, “Sure. Why not.” 

Christa grinned, and she was sure she’d never smiled so wide.

“Okay!” She said cheerfully, “We’re friends, then.”

“Don’t get so excited,” Ymir muttered, but Christa didn’t listen.

No matter what Ymir said, she’d never been more excited in her life. 


	4. Games

As time passed, what began as a hesitant friendship quickly became something much stronger. Christa couldn’t believe how fast she’d become comfortable with Ymir; within less than three months of knowing each other, Christa felt as though she’d really, truly found a person who could be _hers_. Not ‘hers’ in the way love poems described belonging _to_ another person, but ‘hers’ in the sense that she had someone she felt that she belonged _with_. Someone to turn to in any situation, good or bad. Someone to trust and rely on, to stand by always.

Christa also had _fun_ with Ymir. That, too, was entirely foreign. She’d had ‘friends’ while working in the fields, but she never truly cared about them, never fully enjoyed spending time with them. With Ymir, though, she found herself genuinely laughing and smiling, something she’d never done before. Ymir told her jokes and stories, she showed interest in everything Christa talked about, she introduced her to new and fascinating things. She took her to secret places where they could simply sit and be, talking about everything or nothing at all. 

However, it soon occurred to her that she didn’t know much at all when it came to simple details about who Ymir was. The small things that never came up in conversation, little intricacies and quirks that Christa didn’t know about, but wanted to.

They were doing their laundry on a bright morning when an idea came to Christa.

“Hey, Ymir,” she began, “Have you heard of twenty questions?”

“What, that lame thing a bunch of the girls were doing instead of going to bed last night? What about it?”

Overlooking the fact that Ymir referred to it as ‘lame’, Christa said, “Do you want to play it right now?”

Ymir scoffed. “Play? How is it a game if all you’re doing is asking random questions?”

“Because the whole point is to ask any question, and the other person has to answer,” Christa explained, “You can’t do that in regular conversations, so they made a game for it.” 

“Fine,” Ymir’s finished folding her stack of laundry, which looked more like a sad pile of fabric compared to Christa’s pristinely folded one. 

“I’ll start,” Christa said, “What’s your favorite color?”

Ymir snorted a laugh.

“My favorite color? Really? That’s what you came up with?”

“I’m just curious!” Christa replied defensively, “The point of the game is to find out things about each other.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Fine. My favorite color is blue.”

“See? That was easy,” Christa said with a smile. “Now you ask me something.” 

“Alright,” Ymir thought for a moment. “If you could give anyone we know a black eye with no consequences, who would it be?”

Christa frowned. “That’s not a very nice question.”

“Is there a rule that the questions have to be nice?” 

“There is now,” Christa crossed her arms, “Ask me something else.” 

“Fine,” Ymir sighed, “I’ll ask you a good one. Do you like anyone here?”

Christa furrowed her brow. “Of course I do. I like everyone, they’re all my friends.”

“No, idiot,” Ymir sighed, “I mean, do you like anyone. You know. As more than a friend.”

“I…” Christa thought about it. She’d never considered romance to be a part of her life - the only time she ever thought of it was when she read love stories. It never occurred to her that she, too, could experience romantic feelings.

“I don’t think so,” she said, “I mean, I hardly even know what that would feel like.”

Ymir regarded her for a moment with an expression Christa couldn’t quite discern.

“Yeah,” she said eventually, “Me neither. I was just wondering if you were as much of a lovestruck fool as all the guys who like you.”

“That’s not…” Christa turned slightly red at the suggestion. “It’s not like that. They don't feel that way about me at all.”

“Please,” Ymir scoffed, “You can’t be so blind that you don’t see them ogling at you all the time.” 

Truthfully, Christa wasn’t sure. She _did_ notice boys staring at her now and then, and they _did_ tend to be shy and nervous when they spoke to her, but she’d never considered it to be due to any romantic feelings.

“Maybe, I guess,” she said thoughtfully. “But I’m not interested in any of them. I wouldn’t be good for anyone like that, anyway.”

“No?” Ymir asked, trying to sound apathetic, “Why?”

“I just...Don’t know how it would work. I’ve never seen that kind of relationship, I’ve only read stories about it. And I have no idea how accurate those stories are.” 

Ymir shrugged, avoiding eye contact. 

“Franz said he liked you,” she said nonchalantly, eyeing Christa to see her reaction.

“Really? Franz?” 

Ymir nearly laughed at the distasteful look on Christa’s face. 

“Yep. He even asked me to give you a love letter from him, but I threw that shit in the trash. Hope you don’t mind.”

Christa appeared to be deep in thought, when her displeased expression suddenly turned into a bright smile. “Hannah told me she likes him. Maybe I could tell him that he should give her a chance instead. It’ll be great if I can help them be happy together!” 

Ymir wondered if Christa was even _aware_ of the fact that she had an ulterior motive.


	5. Safety

Christa felt afraid often. Whether it was by other people, frightening tasks, or her own thoughts, she was frequently in a seemingly inescapable state of fear. 

Very, very strangely, this wasn’t the case when she was with Ymir. It was surprising, considering the sort of person Ymir was; so fierce and intense and strong, it would have made perfect sense for Christa to be afraid of her, but she felt the complete opposite.

Something about her presence was incredibly comforting and warm, and it made Christa feel...safe. She’d walked through the world with a target on her back, and the only shield she had was a fake personality and an excellent mask. She hadn’t let her guard down a single time - she didn’t even think she knew _how_ to. 

And yet, for some unfathomable reason, being with Ymir let her do just that. It should have scared her to trust someone so much, but nothing was further from the truth with Ymir. If she was panicking during training, it took only one look at Ymir to soothe her. If her thoughts went to a dark place at night, she needed only to turn over and stare at Ymir’s sleeping face to feel at peace. 

Christa always wanted a safe place to go when she was small; a secret cave, a treehouse, a magic hideaway - anywhere that no harm could come to her. 

She never imagined that her safe place would end up being another person. 


	6. Frustration

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Christa looked at Ymir with a frown.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” she snapped, “That shit you pulled earlier during the simulation. When you saved Armin? What the fuck was that?”

“What do you mean?” Christa asked defensively, “I was just helping my comrade. You should try to do the same now and then.”

“Right, you were just helping a comrade,” Ymir said mockingly, “Never mind the fact that you nearly fell and broke your skull open while doing it. Armin would have been fine if he fell, he would have broken his ankle at worst. You knew that saving him from where you were was way more risky, but you did it anyway.”

“I knew what I was doing,” Christa argued, “I would have been fine. If someone is in trouble and I can save them, I’m going to!” 

“Save them? Really? Do you really think you’re the hero of some fairytale who can just save whoever she wants?” Ymir laughed sarcastically, “Seriously, if you plan to die a hero, you might as well do it somewhere a little more epic than training, right? At least wait until you can get eaten by an actual titan instead of falling off a pretend one.”

“How can you say that?” Christa demanded, hurt, “You know I’m not like that! I just wanted to help!”

“Oh, I’m sure you wanted to help,” Ymir said, “But guess what, blondie? Wanting to help just to make yourself look good isn’t exactly selfless.” 

“You don’t know why I helped! You can’t read my mind!” Christa shouted. She was positive that no one had ever made her this angry.

“Maybe not, but you’re pretty fucking easy to read,” Ymir snapped, “Believe me, I know exactly what you’re motivations were, and they were anything but pure. I thought you learned your lesson on that mountain, but I guess I was wrong.” 

“Well, since we’re talking about the mountain, I have a question for you,” Christa seethed, “Why did _you_ hang back with me and Daz? You got on my case for not asking you to help me, but you’re the one who chose to stay back and risk dying along with us. You could have easily gone ahead of us and made it back to base safely, but you didn’t. Care to explain that?” 

Ymir opened her mouth to respond, but came up short for words. 

Why _had_ she stayed back? She wasn’t entirely sure herself. She wasn’t like Christa; she certainly didn’t have any sort of martyr complex or death wish.

It was just that at the time, the idea of leaving Christa behind seemed unbearable. 

“My motivations aren’t important,” she snapped, “You’re the one obsessed with making yourself into a saint.”

“I’m not obsessed with anything! You just don’t have any empathy!”

“Does it look like I give a shit about empathy? I’m being honest, that’s a hell of a lot more important.” 

“That’s what you think!”

“Yeah, it is!” 

There were clearly no words left to be had, so they simply ended the conversation, fuming silently.

Angry as they were, they still went to dinner together, albeit without speaking. They still got ready for bed together, despite the unpleasant tension. And, when they woke up the next morning, their fight was completely forgotten.

Until the next one, that is. 


End file.
